Past Musings- Vol 1- If I don't live to see tomorow

For the comming days I'll be posting past blog posts in an effort to aquaint you with the journey I've taken. I believe there are worthwhile nuggets contained in the comming passages, however you may have to forgive the poor spelling and delivery of a young man. If nothing else, feed your nostagia.

If I don't live to see tomorow
Originally Published : Monday, January 1, 2007 at 2:11am

I'm not realy sure who reads these notes. Granted if the comments are any indication, not many, that is unless I say something, provocking, brash, stupid, or all of the above. However I cannot look back on 2006 on this newyears day without saying this in every media I posses. As I prepared for the new year, I played a board game wherein the object was to guess what other people think of you. An intriguing concept I assure you. What I found was no suprise I am sure. Many times people saw through me, peicing deeper in to my heart then I thought possible, often on a whim, or Joke, cutting to the quick. And yet even more often, their realisations only scraped the surface passing over so much more I had wanted them to see. I am drawn to wonder, how often have I misrepresented myself to those around me, without even trying, they might never know the real me.

Deep within the core of who I am, there is something I do not want you to miss. I beg, I implore you to take notice of it. It simply is what I am, without it I have no reason to live. It both powers and difines me, and yet is greater than I am. Simply my faith in christ. I know many dismis this as a drug of weakness, and I have spent a great part of my time and intelect on defending the truth,the logical defensibility of the diety. But quite simply at the end of the day, you need to know that all the logical and yes even scientific proofs of God are only the evidnence of what is still taking place. As the weather vane scientificaly proves the wind, so does loosing yourself to the gale.

I almost wince to say it. If you know me, you know I stink. I feel that by taking the name of christ I drag it through my mud. I am the greatest of failures, yet that is what makes christ amazing. He has taken even my shame. I am not good enough for his heaven, none of us are. If God is good, he must do what is right, Justice, is for me to die. Christ took that Justice, and by him I live, but it is more than that, he lives in me. I wish I had time to speak with all who read this note.

It is simply the most important thing I could ever say to you. Time is short, we have been given another year, don't bet that you'll have another. Seek the lord while he may yet be found.